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Comment by Susan Gallagher on July 9, 2012 at 19:30

Feel free to contact me for some chumming along therapy Nicky :)

Comment by Nicky @ GardenImprovements.com on July 9, 2012 at 17:32

Thanks Phil - I'm really touched by your comments!

I suffered another nervous breakdown at the beginning of May this year and now on medication and receiving psychotherapy and psychiatric treatment twice a week.  This has had a massive effect on my ability to work and earn but I am just about muddling through.

I've now taken the decision to go back to renew my school qualifications with the intent of studying landscape architecture at Edinburgh University, but may review this. I plan to keep designing in the meantime and have teamed up with a local landscaper who builds my designs - this has relieved some of the stresses but evidently not enough for my disposition!!

Best, NP

PRO Member Comment by Phil Voice on July 6, 2012 at 20:12

Hi Nicky

You did say share but please feel free to shout at me for bringing this back to the surface.

You were extremely brave for writing this post.  I remember reading it (or should I say I remember Donna dictating it) as I drove back from a rare visit to the sea with my kids.

I've had so many private messages since, telling me how brave you were to share your thoughts. I hope your post can help others who are feeling the same.

Of course I also hope you are now  doing well and I look forward to meeting you when I drive the Etesia mower to Scotland. I'll even take a detour, regardless of the distance, to come and see you.

I think you are and can be an inspiration to many Nicky.

Premium Supplier Comment by Ofer El-hashahar on September 8, 2011 at 23:54

Listen Up My friend ,

Time past and I hope you are getting better,

 

As you read it is all part of life- one day you are up and next you are down- you never know.

Life is just like E- stander ( Is that how spell it?)

Once you go out from hard situations - you are actually got something others may not have

the ability to survive but also the ability to understand others.

 

You said you are not a good business man- I can see some excellent qualities in you.

You are brave to be open and talk things out, you can see the problems and analyze it.

This trade is not easy but you will find non is. and we will always think that others got better job etc.

 

I read once that sensitive people are more intelligent - they use their senses better to understand others/things etc.

Some of the richest man started from nothing and failed first. So I am sure that you can find your way to improve things.

 

I had twice in life that I felt things are loosing control, in the first time - it looks funny business went back a bit when a partner that I had ( for the business) left... all the people that worked for me /with me and our van got stolen same week.

 

I was more scared than anything- but result was brilliant - I felt like gambling but results were unbelievable - I changed the business to the best part of it only, improved marketing and more and in fact did really well. Worked half the hours - same income- lots of satisfaction.

 

Second time, as most know was far harder- from being great at school you find that you cant even write a sentence, people shut the phone in your face... no job ... we lost all the money we had ( no benefit at all for the first year ... no friend ... no family and nothing to do) Many years of work gone- and I felt like a failure.

 

I went to the doctor at age 32- 6 ft of strong man- and cried like a baby- telling her that I just cant stop crying.  My wife did not want me to take any tablets- I wondered if ending this life will be better.

 

Hard to believe but I manged to pass the fire brigade exams, we had a call at Friday night ... we got there... there were about 5 other fire engines and more than 30 people ( 02:00 am or so) ... a young man was driving so fast his car was flying through a wall into someones garden and went on fire.

 

Out of a sudden I was helping so much... all of these people working hard to try and save this person life... rescue him out of crushed -tiny car on fire. Life must worth a lot...

I was brought up on a say: if you save one soul it is like you save a whole world.

 

You see... Look forward for new opportunities... work had and smile.

 

You will get there I can tell you. the fact that you can tell that you are not happy is actually a good start as you can start change your life.

Comment by Nicky @ GardenImprovements.com on September 5, 2011 at 14:52

Thank you everybody for an emphatically reassuring response!

 

Testament to the power of the LJN I think - some great advice and lots of offers of help - I hope that anybody else reading that is in the same position as I have been feels they can depend upon the support offered here!

Nicky

Comment by John on August 31, 2011 at 20:35

Hi Nicky,

  On a the purely practical side of things, make sure you get enough exercise, ( and physical work does not count as excercise ) 

 Jumping on a good excercise bike for ten/twenty minutes every now and again throughout the day while working on the computer will help you de-stress.

I have one very near the computer and I havn't smashed the computer to bits with a sledgehammer yet. 

  I have heard from someone this week that the only way of getting over depression is to change your situation, if you take medication for a while and then stop and then find yourself in the same predicament, the depression will return.

 Changing the situation in small managable steps is the key, perhaps only have a few drinks at the weekend, turn the business phone off after 7pm and for most of the weekend.

Don't let the business invade all your life. I know many on LJN say they live their businesses 24-7 lol

but how sad is that !!!

 

 Things are tough at the moment so make sure you look after body, you will need it to get through the problems, and the fitter it gets, the better you will feel.

  All the best

 

PRO Member Comment by Jen@A&J Owenwindows&gardens on August 31, 2011 at 17:38

Hi Nicky

Agree with Carol bad time of year. I also know how you feel with everything crowding in. We haven't had a good year garden wise either wise. My heart is not in it (not the other halfs) and I still don't know whether I will be doing it again next year. It's also been compounded by two bereavments the latest a sudden death of a close relative on Saturday. At the moment, all I can think about is trying to sort things out and offer comfort to her husband. Anyway, my problems aren't relevant to the situation but I do so empathise (not sympathise) with what you're going through. The snapping at and the churning stomach particularly. I hope the writing of everything has helped you.

All the best.

Comment by carol miers on August 31, 2011 at 15:13

Hi Nicky, It's a bit of a low time of year I think, the end of the summer, children return to school, a shift.  It sounds very hard and you have never taken the easy way I can tell as you have persevered as you say through it all.  I changed career when I was 28, not for ever though.  Glasgow must be a great place to study design and architecture if you decide to do that.  I bet your clients or bosses have no idea how much you have done and not had enough back.  I do think anger is a good tool used in the right way. Perhaps you can look at what you are charging, get some advice, rate yourself more highly? I don't know, just suggestions.  If you are not a good businessman or employer you are quite young so nobody expects you to know everything and you can become good at both I am sure.  Perhaps it's practical help that's needed?  Once on the dole myself in my early twenties the social refused my request for a hardship payment and I wrote to them a letter and I listed in the letter what money I was receiving and what it would stretch to, things like one loaf of bread and a cup of tea and a bus ride a day, you know the kind of thing.  Young and angry I was.  They gave me the hardship payment.  I was fighting for myself and it sounds as if you are fighting for yourself and your family.  I think on the network by writing,  you will find people give you many answers and I am sure everyone respects you as I do for standing on your own two feet and for speaking out, just shout as loudly as you can and get some support.

PRO Member Comment by Craig McGinty on August 31, 2011 at 9:42

Hi Nicky,

I've read the 4-Hour Work Week as well, and one from a few years back is the E-Myth Revisited http://www.e-myth.com/pub/htdocs/emr_ch1 

You might have read it, but it looks at ways and means to focus on what you enjoy about your business, and techniques to handle the bits you don't.

I think I need to have another read of it soon!

PRO Member Comment by Phil Voice on August 31, 2011 at 9:01

Hi Nicky

I'd like to reiterate what others have said too.

You have my greatest respect for having the courage to share your turmoil with other members. I hope too, that you feel a sense of relief for sharing your burden?

I'm sure that your experience is far from isolated and I hope you'll help others to talk about their own problems (even if it's through private channels).

I won't go into all the details now (although I'm happy to share) but in 2002, after 21 years of owning and running my business, I found myself in a difficult place which became the trigger to do something very positive and whilst life still has its hardships to this day, caused me and my family to go on an extraordinary journey which still continues now.

I would hazard a guess that over 95% of land-based SMEs suffer with the challenges you describe and despite the lure of the garden environment, the business environment - dealing with clients; dealing with cash flow; dealing with weather; dealing with employees - is as harsh as it gets.

I'm sure I'm not alone in wishing you recovery and closure and I hope the next phase of yours and your family's life will be a rewarding and fulfilling one.

Phil

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